I expected speaking into my new microphone to come as naturally as talking to my best friend on the phone. After all, my train of thoughts are highly active energies. Constantly, I tell the writer in my mind to slow down! Pick one thought. Take a breath. Why are you so cocky?
But when those proud sparks of sentences were finally given a platform to escape the mind… Become real… They chose to vanish rather than slip through my lips, transform as my voice, and dip into the world of endless perspectives. Cowards!
Why is my inner voice strong, but my outward delivery weak? I laugh as I create dialogue in my head but act as though I hit my head with a hammer when trying to relay the joke if I am aware people are paying attention to me.
I pictured podcasting as the perfect place for individuals, like me, who panic when they are told to speak in public. No watching eyes would mean that my eyesight wouldn’t turn blurry, right?
Well, my experience posting my first podcast episode was way easier than getting up in front of a class to deliver a speech. However, it was not the smooth projection I imagined.
Once again, many of my thoughts bailed on me. A few went into hiding, which I found after projecting a few filler words. And um, like, honestly *slowdown pace of voice* I can’t find that thought so I am going to work with this one. It snaps a look of terror at me before I snatch the Plankton size idea and etch the sound wave.
But despite my insecurities, and the other sound mishaps like hearing me gulp along with my 2013 Macbook screaming with its fan to me that it is too old for new hobbies requiring the Adobe Suite, I had a blast believing in myself and trying!
Here are 10 positive outcomes from starting my first podcast:
- I realized I am not alone in creative ventures and reconnected with quite a few people. While some of these connections were for the podcast, most were general what’s up talk. The tie between people who appreciate various art forms is awesome, and I have missed those connections in my life the past couple of years. It is crazy to consider how alone I felt prior to this. (I really need to prevent myself in the future from thinking people do not want to talk to me). James, who I had a class with first year at Ball State gave me a slew of advice regarding audio. He and another Ball State grad recently started The Creative Talk Podcast! Another college friend shared with me her experiences starting photography. I even connected with a couple music producers - Kiefer I hadn’t seen for a couple of years and Dom since high school. Also, I texted the host of Coffee with Kenobi who made me realize I already had an RSS feed. Oh, and my friend Erin with a Bookstagram always empowers me to just go for it! And my favorite newly weds Cole and Kyleigh offered much support when we grabbed dinner as they were in my hometown. Zach from my gym helping me with my computer. I'll stop LOL. Basically, people are good if you put yourself out there. If you are feeling unfulfilled or have thought about a project for a long time, try it and reach out to others who could offer perspective! Even if it's just someone who works at Michael's or a Book Store - they might be getting paid to talk to you, but that does not mean it is not valuable. Other people want to share creative interests whether you are a clueless beginner or expert.
- I reached out to strangers with clout. It can feel awkward to strike up a conversation with an acquaintance, let alone someone I do not know. But what would I have to lose? Being left on read? Yup. Nothing to lose. If I can text a whole book chapter to a guy I ended things with and get left on read, I am surely more immune to those receipts to someone I will most likely never meet. While my family and friends are the real influencers in my life, after numerous attempts to get in touch with the content creator who inspired me to start a podcast (something I knew I wanted to do since 2017) through his own podcast and journal called New Mindset Who Dis, the host, Case Kenny, answered with words of encouragement early in the planning that kept me pumped.
- I did not quit! The people who know me best hear out all of my ideas and entertain them for fun but never take them too seriously due to my notorious record of never following through.
- Family and friends living around the country were able to get a small glimpse of what is going on in my mind. While the episode is a start with a lot to improve on, my heart warms when people I love remind me that they care by listening and even respond positively.
- I gained supporters for my pursuit of a potential passion. For example, I only wrote this blog post because my friend snapped me a YouTube video on manifestation, which he has proven its power through his own life efforts. This Hoosier man moved to live the SoCal life then overcame challenges that led him to enter the Air Force in his mid 30s'. He is living his best life thanks to the mindsets he's passionately shared to get me on board with since we became friends serving together in Muncie. Oops. Example has nothing to do with the bold intro.
- I acknowledged the need to drop my shy facade even though I am not shy deep down attitude. I have just developed anxiety.
- I was really productive the past month. Learning a new hobby is time consuming! The decisions that felt big kept me mentally alert with reasons to look forward to the upcoming days. Also, my brain was so consumed by challenges that interested me. I did not have space to waver into a depressive mood even around a tough time such as the holidays.
- Remembering no one can read my mind. I considered how many people do not even know I spend hours on my laptop writing. And that is my fault for not putting my work out there or sharing with people that it is an interest of mine.
- Now that my first podcast episode is out there, I know what I need to work on to improve. How to improve is the new question. But this is better than where I was a week ago when it was all ideas of the outcome sailing smoothly or hitting an iceberg. I am in the middle (you know... the place I never consider).
- I feel I have a purpose in life to live for that is mine. After years of wondering how to build my voice and build a brand, I have realized this medium will literally allow me to construct what I want. No employer is going to change my writing or add BS sounds to my audio that make me want to dismiss something far from my style with my name on it. This is my safe space. And It is a place I believe I can solidify who I am so I can make more big decisions in life with confidence.