Do You Like It? Opening Gifts and Balancing Emotions on Christmas

Patterns of red and green wrapped boxes looked like a crashed game of Jenga underneath my parent’s Christmas tree. The holiday at home was a little different this year. My mom did not put the accumulation of gaudy ornaments on the 10-foot, fake greenery – opting for a classy, color-coordinated look. My brother and I’s Kindergarten through sixth-grade pictures and crafted ornaments were still stuffed in basement boxes. And when we organized the presents with our Sharpie written names into piles, my stack stood short compared to previous years.

Maybe it was because Max and I decided to sleep in our apartments rather than guest bedrooms that the setup changed. Our family vacation to Cabo, then again, far sufficed for any gifts either of us could ask for.

But as the saying goes, “Jesus is the reason for the season.” It is not the gifts or the tree; I felt relieved not to have many presents this year. Christmas, a day when I feel extraordinarily privileged to have a loving family with the means to celebrate with gifts, could not pass without a few tears.

The build-up of the day, the expectations of my imagination, and the desire to please my parents for their effort overwhelmed my jacked emotional control system. Christmas would be merry if I could swaddle my face in wrapping paper as I open and over-analyze each gift.

One year, I was adamant to get my first cellphone. It felt like a sharp knife to my heart when I unwrapped an iPod touch. Of course, I appreciated the expensive gift, but the letdown of still having to borrow my mom’s device when I for cell service when I was dreaming about my own nine digits overrode my feeling of gratitude.

I was a brat, though, I was not trying to be deviant. I lacked control over my thoughts and expectations. I never wanted to be unhappy or make others miserable. However, I had no awareness and skills to combat the intrusive feelings that sparked an altered reality on what was supposed to be a magical day.

As an adult, I still struggle with this. My raw response to seeing a gift, especially when time has allowed me to develop visions of what is under the wrapping, is not always beaming with joy, even if I am sincerely grateful for the gesture internally.

I blame my imagination and expectations. It has nothing to do with me not liking what I received.

It takes time for my mind to drop the idea of what I thought I wanted, stop comparing it to the Christmas list I gave, and comprehend the mystery now revealed. I need a few seconds to figure out what the gift is while combating random intrusive thoughts. The smile, though sincere, is delayed.

Despite this catastrophic process in response to generosity, the gifts I may look most confused by often become staple pieces in my life. I fall hard for the presents I do not like right away.

In addition to the traditional gifts, my high expectations paired with an elaborate imagination have been detrimental to my ability to receive even more significant, God-given presents in life. Relationships, work, and hobby-like talents are some types of gifts I initially question. As with Christmas presents, I have felt a little reluctant to accept the best God-given gifts.

At four years old, I wanted nothing to do with the most influential person in my life, my stepdad. In junior high, I hid my red face when the principal announced I had won a national duck drawing contest because I felt no value in my artistic gift. Today, I am a passionate powerlifter. I view the sport as a gift to my life, but it took me years to get on board with the idea of strength training, direction, and following a training program despite knowledgeable individuals presenting their progress and willingness to teach me.

Oh, how much more talented I would be if accepted the gifts and listened to my stepdad, practiced art, and picked up a barbell sooner 🙂

Gifts are not meant to be what we ask for on our Christmas list. Sometimes, gifts are not what we want, but what we need to set us up for the future we are blind to knowing in the present.

Do not be discouraged if you experience a war of emotions when receiving a gift physically or spiritually. The internal turmoil proves your interest as the mind fixates on what is at hand, and your authentic response represents you as the recipient having appreciation with the bearer to be comfortable enough to show a natural reaction. These feelings can be a promising sign of long-term joy.

The next time you receive a gift, I encourage you to embrace it no matter your initial thoughts because there may be a mystery in the future for what you unveiled. While the gifts and the tree set Christmas apart from other holidays, making memories and receiving reminders from those who love you is why celebrating Jesus’ birthday makes those elements ultra unique. This year, I finally spent a Christmas without a tear. And even though I may not have smiled opening your gift, no returns were made.